Living Our Values
Two of my heroes, Jim and Louise Mulligan, shared the following story with me. While leadership starts with knowing ourselves and what truly matters to us, this knowledge means nothing if we don’t live in a way that reflects it. That means talking about our beliefs and values and sharing them with others openly and proudly. While I value the freedoms I enjoy as an American, this story reminded me that I often take them for granted. Quang Nguyen doesn’t, and the Mulligans don’t. It makes me stop and consider what other values I might be ignoring.
On Saturday, July 24th, 2010 the town of Prescott Valley, AZ, hosted a Freedom Rally. Quang Nguyen was asked to speak on his experience of coming to America and what it means. He spoke the following in dedication to all Vietnam Veterans:
“35 years ago, if you were to tell me that I am going to stand up here speaking to a couple thousand patriots, in English, I’d laugh at you. Man, every morning I wake up thanking God for putting me and my family in the greatest country on earth.
I just want you all to know that the American dream does exist and I am living the American dream. I was asked to speak to you about my experience as a first generation Vietnamese- American, but I’d rather speak to you as an American.
If you hadn’t noticed, I am not white and I feel pretty comfortable with my people.
I am a proud US Citizen and here is my proof. It took me 8 years to get it,
waiting in endless lines, but I got it, and I am very proud of it.
I still remember the images of the Tet offensive in 1968, I was six years old. Now you might want to question how a 6-year-old boy could remember anything. Trust me, those images can never be erased. I can’t even imagine what it was like for young American soldiers, 10,000 miles away from home, fighting on my behalf.
35 years ago, I left South Vietnam for political asylum. The war had ended. A t the age of 13, I left with the understanding that I may or may not ever get to see my siblings or parents again. I was one of the first lucky 100,000 Vietnamese allowed to come to the US. Somehow, my family and I were reunited 5 months later, amazingly, in California. It was a miracle from God.
If you haven’t heard lately that this is the greatest country on earth, I am telling you that right now. It was the freedom and the opportunities presented to me that put me here with all of you tonight. I also remember the barriers that I had to overcome every step of the way. My high school counselor told me that I cannot make it to college due to my poor
communication skills. I proved him wrong. I finished college. You see, all you have to do is to give this little boy an opportunity and encourage him to take and run with it. Well, I took the opportunity and here I am.
This person standing tonight in front of you could not exist under a socialist/communist environment By the way, if you think socialism is the way to go, I am sure many people here will chip in to get you a one-way ticket out of here. And if you didn’t know, the only difference between socialism and communism is an AK-47 aimed at your head. That was my
experience.
In 1982, I stood with a thousand new immigrants, reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and listening to the National Anthem for the first time as an American. To this day, I can’t remember anything sweeter and more patriotic than that moment in my life.
Fast forwarding, somehow I finished high school, finished college, and like any other goofball 21 year old kid, I was having a great time with my life. I had a nice job and a nice apartment in Southern California. In some way and somehow, I had forgotten how I got here and why I was here.
One day I was at a gas station, I saw a veteran pumping gas on the other side of the island. I don’t know what made me do it, but I walked over and asked if he had served in Vietnam. He smiled and said yes. I shook and held his hand. The grown man began to well up. I walked away as fast as I could and at that very moment, I was emotionally rocked. This was a profound moment in my life. I knew something had to change in my life. It was time
for me to learn how to be a good citizen. It was time for me to give back.
You see, America is not just a place on the map, it isn’t just a physical location. It is an ideal, a concept. And if you are an American, you must understand the concept, you must accept this concept, and most importantly, you have to fight and defend this concept. This is about Freedom and not free stuff. And that is why I am standing up here.
Brothers and sisters, to be a real American, the very least you must do is to learn English and understand it well. In my humble opinion, you cannot be a faithful patriotic citizen if you can’t speak the language of the country you live in. Take this document of 46 pages, the last I looked on the Internet, there wasn’t a Vietnamese translation of the US Constitution. It took me a long time to get to the point of being able to converse and until this day, I still struggle to come up with the right words. It’s not easy, but if it’s too easy, it’s not worth doing.
Before I knew this 46-page document, I learned of the 500,000 Americans who fought for this little boy. I learned of the 58,000 names scribed on the black wall at the Vietnam Memorial. You are my heroes. You are my founders.
At this time, I would like to ask all the Vietnam veterans to please stand. I thank you for my life I thank you for your sacrifices, and I thank you for giving me the freedom and liberty I have today. I now ask all veterans, firefighters, and police officers, to please stand. On behalf of all first generation immigrants, I thank you for your services and may God bless you all.”
Quang Nguyen
Creative Director/Founder
Caddis Advertising, LLC
Where Did All This Clutter Come From?
This past Sunday our priest, Father Mike Renninger, told the story of a friend of his who went to the mall to buy a specific Christmas gift. Somewhere between her home and the mall she forgot what she had gone to buy. Rather than turn around and go home, she decided to walk around the mall until she recalled what she needed to buy. Two hours and several hundred dollars later, she left the mall without the intended purchase.
Father Renninger’s point hit close to home for me. When I don’t know what I want, I often end up with things I don’t need and often don’t even want. I’ve accumulated most of the clutter in my life wandering around trying to figure out what I want. This clutter can be tangible, like all of the junk jammed in my attic, garage, etc. It can be spiritual like all of the distractions that keep me from living my faith. And it can be emotional or intellectual – all of those activities I get involved with simply because someone asked. Sure, they may be worthwhile endeavors, but are they the best use of my most limited resource – my time?
As leaders, one of the best things we can do to assist those we lead is to help them de-clutter their lives. There are several ways we can do this. First is to lead by example. We can inventory all of our activities and assess their value in relation to two simple questions: “Who am I?” and “What do I want?” I am often amazed at the number of things that consume my time that have nothing to do with who I am or what I want. If an activity is out of alignment with our values and beliefs(that is, it is not helping achieve something that is important to us) we need to determine why we are doing it. We may find that there is a very good reason for doing it. Our involvement may matter to others who matter to us. It may be important to our employer or a key client. But when we can’t find a compelling reason for doing that activity, it probably means we should stop doing it. Doing this in a public and explicit way will help others see that they can do the same.
Next, we can start asking the people we lead to look at how they are spending their time. What are the top 3 to 5 activities that consume their work day? Ask them to consider these questions for each of these projects, processes, or tasks:
- · How does this investment of time and energy serve our organization?
- · How does their success in doing this contribute to the organization’s achievement of one or more of its goals or objectives?
- · How are they growing personally or professionally by investing their time doing this?
- · Does this activity reflect the organization’s core values?
- · Is it consistent with their personal values?
This process will help employees gain a new perspective on things. By helping them see how well (or poorly) their work is serving their organization and/or their values, we can assist them in letting go of things that are unwanted or unneeded. It can have the opposite effect as well. Things that may have seemed unimportant or mundane can become critical, because we realize that they contribute something of great value.
Even with this increased perspective, sometimes we will need to convince people to change their behaviors. It is difficult to overcome inertia, or they may worry about others judging them for failing to complete a task or abandoning an initiative. As leaders, it’s our job to enable, or even force, the difficult decisions. When we de-clutter the workloads of those we lead, we make room for work that is more valuable and with greater meaning.
Inspiring Others to Step Up
One of my favorite misquotes is “All that’s necessary for the forces of evil to win in the world is for enough good men to do nothing.” This statement is often attributed to Edmund Burke, but in reality, he never said it. Regardless of who first coined this expression, I love it. It is an absolute truth. When people do evil things, good people can stop them. But they must chose to act and to get others to act with them. Great leaders have the ability to stimulate others to be good, to act in the face of evil. Sometimes it means convincing others to take huge risks and make real sacrifices. Other times, it is as easy as pointing out a problem and inviting others to help you solve it.
Last week, I had the honor to witness the latter. Several years ago, my cousin, Denise Hay, was the victim of fraud. Fortunately for her, she successfully resolved her civil complaint and recouped her loses. However, she knew that the law had been broken, and the criminal needed to be stopped. So she agreed to help the District Attorney by testifying in the criminal case. Denise owns and operates two businesses. She is committed to her family and community. She doesn’t have a great deal of free time to spare. It would have been easy for her to just let someone else take care of this problem. Despite her schedule, she has worked closely with the police and district attorney’s office to build their case.
Just days before the trial was set to begin, the defense attorney tried to delay the trial. He demanded verification that he had previously accepted as authentic. Given the short notice, this seemed to be an insurmountable obstacle. Denise knew that I had worked for the company whose documents need verification, so she asked if I could call my former employer for help. I was pessimistic that we could find anyone so quickly. By noon the day before the trial, it was clear that no one was available. Denise and the DA were undaunted. They asked me if I would testify to the document’s authenticity. My first reaction was, “Are you kidding? I am not qualified.” My next reaction was, “I don’t have time for this.” I never said either out loud, because I wanted to help Denise. But I had real misgivings about my ability to help. They quickly overcame my concerns, so at 6 a.m. Tuesday morning, I was on a train heading north.
When we arrived at the courthouse on Tuesday, the DA informed us that the defendant had pleaded guilty. The prosecutor had called the defense’s bluff. The DA apologized for seeming to waste my time – and that of the other witnesses scheduled to testify. He stated that he believed that it was our willingness to testify that compelled the defendant to plead guilty.
This criminal had broken the law and defrauded people of hundreds of thousands of dollars. She was guilty of evil. While she hadn’t robbed anyone at gunpoint or broken into their homes and stolen their property, her crimes had real victims. But some of these victims decided to band together and stop her. One of those good people, my cousin, enlisted others to help their cause. She convinced me to help. She got me to step up and join her fight. That is what leaders do. Doing the right thing is only the beginning for someone like Denise. Her leadership drove me to act.
CERN Can Handle the Truth…Can You?
One of the things I’ve always loved about science is that at its heart, it is about the search for truth. But lately, it has felt like science has become corrupted. From the politicization of global warming to researchers faking data to support their conclusions or theories, I was beginning to wonder if science had become just like so many other fields where success and celebrity were more important than the truth.
This weekend, I found reason to start believing again. Science gave us an example of how it is different from other areas. When CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research) announced that they may have discovered a particle that moves faster than light, they did what many people would find unthinkable. They publicly expressed doubts about the accuracy of their results. The CERN physicists didn’t pound their chest and boast that they had discovered something that challenges Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity. They didn’t start a movement to have e=mc2 stricken from textbooks around the world. Rather, they encouraged others to shoot holes in their work. They invited peers and competitors “to look at what they’ve done and really scrutinize it in great detail.”
- “The important thing is not to stop questioning.” Albert Einstein
Whether the physicists at CERN are proved right or wrong is not as important as the integrity of the process. Leaders have the opportunity to learn from this event. We often deal with facts that are in dispute. People embroiled in these conflicts will speak passionately about defending the truth. Two people on opposite sides of the same fight may have very differing perceptions of the truth. Both may be speaking the truth while saying contradictory things. We understand that not everything can be proven to be right or wrong. Unlike in science, where empirical data can provide answers, we regularly rely on opinions, assessments, and perceptions to find the truth.
The problem is that the truth can change as our perspective changes. I’ll use a simple example to illustrate this point. Sitting on my desk is a can of Coca-Cola ZeroTM. At one angle, I can clearly read the words Coca-Cola Zero in the distinctive Coca-Cola font. At another angle, it looks like a simple black can with nutritional data and a list of ingredients. At a third, an image of a football is all that is visible to give me an indication of what is inside. If three people saw this can, each from only one of these perspectives, they could draw different conclusions about what the can contained. All three would be basing their “truth” about the contents on empirical evidence, and they could all be right or wrong.
Science encourages the exchange of information which allows for the examination of something from multiple perspectives. In science or at work, when we consider something from many points-of-view, the quality of our analysis and the likelihood of knowing the whole truth increases. The scientific method encourages researchers to seek the whole truth. So does great leadership. Leaders allow for the possibility that no one person may know the whole truth. They encourage parties to exchange information in a spirit of openness and thoughtful deliberation. No, this doesn’t mean we spend hours sharing data to determine the contents of a can, but what about the challenges that truly matter? Leaders understand the importance of reconciling the many perspectives on an issue to help find the whole truth.
This morning, my daughter was telling me about a homework assignment that she recently completed. Her teacher had asked each student to create her own Code of Ethics that reflected the student’s values and beliefs. What a great assignment! The more I thought about it, the more I realized it is an outstanding sef-awareness exercise, and I plan to encourage my coaching clients to try it. Let me know what you think. Post your Code of Ethics here. I’ll start working on mine and post it here soon.
Willing Leader, Reluctant Hero
- Sgt. Dakota Meyer may be a reluctant hero, ut his actions on Sept. 8, 2009 showed his willingness to lead.
It is one thing to do what we know is right, but doing so when those in authority are telling us not to (or ordering us not to) can be extraordinarily challenging. Add the element of repeatedly putting his life on the line, and it is easy to understand why Sgt. Dakota Meyer received the Medal of Honor last week. He is truly an exceptional human being, and his action on September 8, 2009 and his behavior since then have proven he is also an impressive leader.
On September 8, 2009 then Cpl. Meyer showed that leadership is not about title or rank. It is about the ability to get others to choose to follow. Without authority, and against orders, Meyer convinced his superior, Staff Sgt. Rodriguez-Chavez, to join him in his rescue of 13 U.S. Marines and soldiers and 23 Afghan soldiers. Meyer’s leadership enabled him to convince Rodriguez-Chavez to repeatedly put his life in jeopardy. Rodriguez-Chavez was also putting his career in jeopardy. As Meyer’s superior, he would have been held accountable had things turned out differently. Despite these risks, Meyer led and Rodriguez-Chavez followed.
For the past week, the news has been full of stories about Sgt. Meyer’s heroism. I have been struck by the pain and guilt in Meyer’s words. He has commented about his failure to save all of his comrades. The death of the five American servicemen still grieves him. These feelings reveal another aspect of his leadership, his character. This was the leadership attribute that drove him to act. Meyer’s behavior – both in combat and afterward – exposes the values and beliefs that define his character. His comments reveal that a failure to act and even defy orders would have been to deny who he is. His high school football coach was not surprised by his actions. He said, “Dakota was always a lone ranger. Always a guy on his own.” Leading with character often means going your own way.
Meyer’s character has also shown up in how he has responded to those who want to honor him. His decision to not talk about the events of September 8, his willingness to risk offending the president rather than leave work to receive a telephone call from him, and his repeated refusal to accept the label of “hero” all reveal that Sgt. Meyer is a man who knows himself very well. This self-knowledge was at the core of the leadership that saved 36 lives three years ago.
The Power of “I Don’t Know”
Yesterday, our priest, Father Michael Renninger, spoke about his struggle to forgive those responsible for 9/11. He spoke about how he felt he was failing as a Christian because of this inability. He gave voice to what many of us feel about this senseless act and the countless acts of hatred that we witness in the news.
As he spoke, he exposed an important distinction about how we confront the challenges we face as we try to live our lives morally and ethically. He described two typical responses to difficulties. Do we say, “I can’t” do this difficult thing? Or do we say, “I do not know how” to do it? Even for someone who didn’t lose a loved one on 9/11, forgiving those who perpetrate terrorist acts seems impossible. It’s easy to say, “I cannot forgive them.”
I was struck by Father Renninger’s words. The distinction between “I can’t” and “I don’t know how” has implications in all aspects of our lives. When we say “I can’t,” we are really saying we won’t try. When we say, “I don’t know how,” we are giving ourselves the permission to ask for help. Neither statement denies the difficulty of the challenge, but the former is spoken from a position of pessimism or resignation. The latter gives us the hope and encouragement that comes from knowing that someone or something is available to assist us.
From the mundane roadblocks we face daily to the major ethical and moral dilemmas we confront, our approach and attitude often determine our success in overcoming them. Whether we are trying to figure out how to squeeze more into our over-crowded schedules or wrestling with moral challenges like forgiveness, we are either open to the possibility of help, or we can refuse to try. The choice is ours. We cannot change the fact that we will face difficulties, but we can change how we respond to them.
Don’t you love it when a plan comes together? Not always. I came to this realization in October of 2008. That was when I started a new chapter in my career. On October 2, 2008, I left the safety and security of the corporate world for the uncertainty and anxiety of entrepreneurship. For nearly 25 years, I had been a part of an organization, a member of a team. Now I was the organization. I was the team. That was my plan. I had saved for years, and that had given me the flexibility to make this bold move. Unfortunately, my plan was developed in the fall of 2007, and it did not contemplate the economic crisis that hit rock bottom right as I was walking out the door. I had planned for some degree of economic uncertainty, but I never contemplated a crisis of that magnitude. My savings, my safety net, seemed to have developed holes overnight. My plan was on schedule and falling apart at the same time.
So what does my misfortune in career planning have to do with leadership? After all, this blog is supposed to provide “enduring wisdom for 21st-Century leaders,” not career horror stories. The operative word is “leader.” It started when a friend asked me about a recent speaking engagement. He was surprised to hear that I had spoken to a group focused on career planning and transitions. He said, “They need to find jobs, not hone their leadership skills.” I was as surprised by his comment as he was about my speech. I responded, “Career transitions can be one of the most demanding leadership challenges anyone will ever face.” I proceeded to tell him my own story and how the “Four Most Important Questions a Leader Must Ask” are the same questions that helped me through the most difficult periods of my transition. These are the four questions:
- Who Am I?
- What Do I Want?
- How Will I Get Others to Choose to Follow Me?
- How Will I Earn and Retain the Privilege to Lead?
My personal career transitions required me to ask and answer these questions. It also meant possessing and demonstrating to some degree all of the If 16 Leadership Attributes. However, there were four attributes in particular – one aligned with each question above – that helped me succeed.
The linkage between the first two questions and successful career transitions is obvious. Job hunting and career transitions bring these questions into stark clarity. At times, this can be in a negative way. With regard to knowing who we are, many of us tie our identity to our job, so losing or changing it can create real anxiety. But once I moved beyond the anxiety, my career change provided me with a unique opportunity for self-discovery. It gave me the chance to inventory and take stock of what mattered most in my life – what I valued, what made me happy, what I did well, and what changes I wanted to make in how I was showing up to others.
Career transitions demand that we know who we are – our character, our authentic selves, and how to remain true to them. But perhaps the most important attribute is our self-efficacy – our belief that we have the capabilities to execute the courses of action required to manage prospective situations. Self-efficacy is more than just blind confidence or self-esteem. Highly self-efficacious people know themselves extraordinarily well. They possess a genuine confidence in their own abilities. In order to truly believe in our abilities, we must know what they are. Just as character requires that we continuously inventory and understand our values and beliefs, self-efficacy requires that we do the same thing with our skills, abilities, and preferences. While I have always believed in myself and my ability to overcome the challenges I confronted, my career transition was a real test. By recalling and building upon my past successes, I maintained my self-efficacy.
Knowing what we want is also obvious – we want a job! But not just any job! Once I got past the anxiety and fear that came with my transition, I was able to explore what I truly wanted. I was able to focus my efforts on opportunities that satisfied my ambitions – a career that was aligned well with who I am. The leadership attributes associated with understanding what we want include ambition, vision, boldness, and last but not least, resilience. Resilience, the ability to bounce back from adversity, is essential to any job search. I confronted a variety of obstacles. I lacked the exact combination of skills and experience needed for most opportunities I sought. Other times things just went wrong. Resilience meant anticipating and planning for these obstacles and responding decisively to them when they occurred. Resilience gave me the ability to keep going despite the setbacks and disappointments.
Getting others to choose to follow us doesn’t mean walking into an interview and convincing people that you are the next CEO. Instead, this is leadership in the same way that sales is leadership. When we are interviewing for a position, we are selling ourselves to the hiring manager and the organization we want to join. The key attribute here is inspiration. Before I could inspire my family and friends to believe in me, I had to first be inspired. As I was finding my new path and making my transition, I had many opportunities to connect with people who were experts in the field I was entering. These connections allowed me to ask for help and to demonstrate to potential partners and clients that I was worthy of their investment. Success often comes down to who a client (or perspective employer) believes can help solve their problems. We can inspire potential employers with our creativity, tenacity, work ethic, or any number of characteristics.
Earning and retaining the privilege to lead means keeping those we leadengaged and motivated regardless of the situation. During the early part of my transition, that meant my wife, my family, my friends and myself. Leadership meant keeping the people who I wanted following me from losing confidence or trust, especially when things got tough. And they did get tough. That is why composure is such an important leadership attribute during a career transition. My ability to “keep my head when all about me were losing theirs” was critical to my success. My composure kept me from giving up and taking jobs that were just like the one I had chosen to leave. This was particularly challenging when friends and family were encouraging me to take the safer and proven path. My composure kept me from becoming frustrated by interminable marketing processes that may stood between me and the next business opportunity.
My decision to reinvent myself and to pursue my dream was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It also proved to be one of the greatest leadership challenges I have ever faced. Whether I was leading my family, a potential client, or simply leading myself, I had to exercise every leadership muscle I possessed, while discovering some that I didn’t know I had.
In any given day, how many different people are we? When that nagging issue at work jars us from our sleep and we roll out of bed, many of us jump right into problem solver mode. I often spend the first few minutes of my morning contemplating the problems and opportunities of the day ahead. As I descend the stairs, I move quickly into dad mode – helping to get the kids ready for the day ahead. For a few minutes, I step into husband mode as my wife and I discuss the matters facing the Moran household. That’s three different people, and I haven’t even started work.
As a consultant and executive coach, I divide my time among several differing tasks. Marketing and sales consume a big part of my day, as do client meetings and research. I also spend a significant portion of each week writing and speaking. Each of these roles requires a different combination of skills and talents. They each require me to emphasize different aspects of my personality. They may even require me to emphasize and project my values in different ways. For example, when I am writing, I am articulating my opinions and beliefs. I take strong positions. As a coach, my job is to help my clients find the answers to their unique problems and challenges, so I mostly ask questions. As a writer or consultant, I provide answers.
Which one is the real me? The answer is all of them. Each of us is one person who plays a myriad of roles. These roles can cause our behaviors to change from one moment to the next. These changes can be confusing to those around us, and they can give the impression that we are being inauthentic. I believe that recognizing that we are such complex and dynamic creatures is the key to living and leading authentically. Authenticity demands that we move from role to role consciously and that we change our behaviors deliberately. One of the most challenging things we do is remaining aware and deliberate, but this is what keeps us from losing our way and becoming inauthentic.
For the third time in a row, I am writing about the connection between leading and teaching. Maybe it is the time of year, with another school year ending. Whatever the cause, I continue to find great leadership lessons from the teachers in my children’s lives. This time the lesson came during a cross-country horseback riding clinic my daughter, Mary Kate, was participating in. To provide some context, Mary Kate rides a horse named Blackberry. Blackberry is mischievous and a bit nuts. He’s a wonderful horse, but if he were a was a high school boy he would probably spend a fair amount of time in detention. He has developed a reputation for his bad behavior. His owner refers to his antics as “B.B.B.B.ing” (i.e., Blackberry breaking bad big time). Around the barn, they call him Crackberry.
During the clinic last week, he was BBBBing. Mary Kate rode him like a champion. She maintained control and composure regardless of what he tried to do. He reared, refused jumps, and bucked numerous times, but Mary Kate stuck with it and prevailed . . . until the last course. There was one jump that he would not attempt. My daughter’s instructor, Laine, had encouraged her throughout the clinic. She had been providing constant support and guidance. Her confidence in Mary Kate never faltered. However, Laine realized that this jump had gotten into both the horse’s and the rider’s head, so she decided to step in.
Laine stopped Mary Kate and said, “You can’t let him do that. It isn’t safe for either of you.” Laine was direct and assertive, but she made sure Mary Kate knew it was because she cared about her and Blackberry. She was also very precise in what she wanted Mary Kate to do differently. After their conversation, Mary Kate dismounted and Laine took her place. She took Blackberry through the course several times demonstrating for Mary Kate what she needed to do and how to do it. By doing this, she showed Blackberry and Mary Kate that they could overcome this obstacle. Mary Kate remounted Blackberry, and they cleared that jump without incident.
We all face this dilemma as leaders. Knowing when to step in is hard enough, but doing so in a way that helps the subordinate grow and learn can seem impossible. I often feared that my actions would undermine a subordinate’s confidence or identity. Watching Laine with Mary Kate was enlightening. Laine’s approach was perfect. Her directness diffused the emotions. Her unwavering confidence bolstered Mary Kate’s. Her willingness to literally “take the reins” showed both horse and rider what it would take to succeed. She never sugar-coated things or tried to deny that the problem existed. Laine’s actions showed that leaders can intervene in a way that builds competence without eroding confidence.
